the downside to loving someone.
Thinking about her. Constantly thinking about her. And wishing it would stop. When that first thought of her enters my brain it’s like she fills me….my mind, my body, my soul and spirit feel her. Hugging me, softly kissing my cheek, caressing my body when we lie together. And when I’m in my head no one can tell me it’s wrong. It feels so right; she feels so right in my arms. The smell of her skin and the softness I can’t resist. I melt into her brown eyes and know that I’m home. I just want to live in this daydream forever. I just want to see her and only her and know that she’s seeing me and only me. I want to know that true love exists; that it’s not something made up for people to torture themselves with. At first I thought I was just in love with love…or the idea of love. But now I know better. I’m in love with her. And she has no idea. And I don’t know what to do with that. So instead of talking to her about it I’m typing this shit on my computer, and I’m going to delete it as soon as I finish. For some reason it just feels good to get the thoughts out. I can’t talk about her to any of my friends anymore; they’re exhausted with the subject. All of my friends think that I’m being naïve or blind to the facts. I’m not. I know that she doesn’t love me. But that doesn’t mean that she’s incapable. She could love me. She could get to know me and fall in love with the person that I am in the same exact way that I did with her. I wish she would just take a chance on me. She’s so amazing and she deserves so much and I just want to be the person to give her that. I want her to know that if I’m with her, no one else exists to me. She is all I need and all I see and god dammit…..love shouldn’t feel like this.